Four Destructive Communication Styles
In the Bible, the Apocalypse describes the end of time. In Dr. Gottman’s research, he has a similar description of communication styles that can predict the end of a relationship: criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling. At Hope Counseling Center, the marriage counselors teach couples these how these four communication styles can be eliminated and how to replace them with healthy and more loving styles.
Horseman #1: Criticism
Criticism isn’t just giving a critique but rather attacking your partner’s core being. This leads the partner to feeling attacked, rejected, and wounded. Criticism can become a pattern that is difficult to break without help.
Horseman #2: Contempt
Contempt is communicating disrespect for your partner. This can be done by mocking with sarcasm, name-calling, mimicking, comparing to someone both of you despise, or ridicule. The partner feels despised and worthless.
Horseman #3: Defensiveness
Partners get defensive when he/she feels wrongly accused but the defensive response leads to the other partner feeling invalidated, unheard, misunderstood, or not taken seriously. A defensive partner can even turn the tables by accusing the other of being at fault.
Horseman #4: Stonewalling
The fourth horseman is stonewalling and occurs when the listener shuts out or withdrawals from the conversation. The partner may make look off into space, leave the room in a hurry, or engage in obsessive behaviors.
Being able to identify The Four Horsemen in your communications is a required step to eliminating each one from the relationship. Our couples counselors will help you practice, practice, practice. Contact our counseling center today to schedule a joint counseling session.